Kenyan female anchors, just read the damn news


There is some hilarious letter to Citizen’s Janet Mbugua by some guy called Opiyo that has gone viral. He – assuming he’s real – is thanking the newscaster for the “regalia u (sic) embedded on ur (sic) body laminated your anatomy in a cohesive and jealous manner. It stalked your physique, tracing every contour that is depicted in your fauna…”

Now, behind this hilarity is actually a hint that our female news anchors have crossed a line of what exactly is decent and trashy, what should be worn in the studio and at the club. I am forever seeing these female anchors dress in a manner to suggest that they are hitting the club immediately after, and I have met several wearing the same dress and make up.

I am all for freedom to wear what you want but I believe there should be a line. No, it was not my mother who forced me to write this or some other “old school” guys, I just believe that when it comes to News, content is king and that is what should draw one to listen and not what the anchor is wearing.

When breasts are literally holding on to dear life and just a sneeze will send them spilling out, I believe that a line has been crossed. When a parent cannot watch the News with their teenagers because all you can see are the anchor’s body contours, then, we have a problem.

It has got so bad that watching the News these days sparks fights at home when the man seems to be drooling over what Janet Mbugua, Ann Kiguta, Grace Msalame, Julie Gichuru or Lillian Muli are wearing.

What, do tell, do exposing your thighs have to do with Cord or Jubilee’s manifesto? What has a dress that leaves nothing to imagination got to do with Equity Bank’s profit margin and the price of milk?

Call it competition, I call it the “dumbing down of our news” and this is a dangerous precedent we are setting in this country. Yes, I am a straight red blooded male and such sights should have my tongue wagging, and they do; but after all is said and done, what does that achieve?

I thought brains come first and we should judge our newscasters – allow me to paraphrase Martin Luther King – not by the size of their boobs but the content of their gray matter.

Such dressing has no place in a newsroom where you are trying to analyse and shape the national agenda. The argument I get mostly is that they are dressed to attract the younger population into watching the news. That is the wrong way to go about it. Even they know that if they want to know what’s happening in the country, they know the news is where they will get it.

Do you see teachers dressed like that to attract kids to school? Such flawed thinking should be addressed. I am not suggesting they dress like my grandmother; they can still be stylish without necessarily being trashy.

Even CNN, where most news anchors get their inspiration from, has managed to control how their anchors dress and they are successful. They did not have to dress in a certain way to attract viewers from across the globe.

We know your dresses are expensive and you shop in Milan or wherever, just make sure when you visit our homes every night, you are not dressed like you will need some form of payment before you leave.-Daily Nation


The actual letter from Opiyo

Dear Janet Mbugua….

I have attempted to suppress my feelings since Monday 9PM but that effort has been subjected to futility. Yawaa I comprehend that just like lilian muli, u r also matrimonially abducted & as such, I should mutilate any hopes of pursuing your affection. Nevertheless my corneas still detect and appreciate that both of u oozes aesthetics in gigantic proportions, both of you not only radiate but also advertise beauty via minimal effort. Yawaaa indeed it is correct that birds of the same feather locomate in unison.

On that day, Monday 21st January 2013, 2100Hrs The regalia u embedded on ur body laminated your anatomy in a cohesive and jealous manner. It stalked your physique, tracing every contour that is depicted in your fauna. Manners has barred me from oozing positive appreciation towards ur mammary glands in public domain, but your hips will not be accosted similar amnesty. Woman, yawaa flesh has resided in your pelvic areas in an inciting manner; the bulging of ur hips at the periphery of ur posterior ial mass is unanimously seductive, its mere sight alerts the organs that inhabits my loins. i emit appreciation towards the plateau existing in ur front abdominals as ur stomach does not custod overlapping intestines (tyres). Yawaaa u were chiseled yawaaa!!!

Despite the fact that u are vertically endowed thereby raising ur center of gravity hence making u vulnerable to falling…irony has sided with you by condemning my heart to be the one to succumb to gravitational pull. I have fallen. yawaa Because of you, I just imported a plasma 67” 3D spectrum colour television from Australia that is charged with the onus of airing only news that is being relinquished by the tongue that is tethered in close proximity to ur alluring face.

Yours sincerely

  • Kifagio Murachake

    The author of this article should leave Julie Cichuru alone. I am one of her admirers and I like the she she dresses. Opiyo, she is not your kind or type. Leave her alone!!!!

  • kanini

    Opiyo, we like the way our women dresses. if you don’t like the way they dress, move to saudi arabia or yemen or afghanistan.

  • But…yawaa! We have children old enough not to see all that!